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YES. It’s time for another issue of Out of Character. Every week, I take a beloved gaming character, and then I burrow into their life, searching for sweet, delicious giblets of knowledge. If you’re a gamer, this series tends to be good for brushing up, but if you’re NOT a gamer, you can use the learning flakes floating above you (nom on them, sweet fish) to fake your way into the most exclusive, snobby circles of nerds. Yes, you want to be in those circles. Yes, they bathe. Sometimes.
This week, I’m going to explore the life and times of …
Thrall is one of the heavy-hitters in World of Warcraft, and World of Warcraft is like heroin. Only more so. If you were to distill all the most compelling, OCD-catering, addictive elements of gaming and distill them into their purest crucible form, you’d have World of Warcraft. And you’d be rich. You’d also have just violated Blizzards copyrighting laws, so well done, jackass. World of Warcraft is a MMORPG – a Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game. You’re playing an awesome game, but so are millions of other heroes; you quest with real people, whilst simultaneously eroding real-world contacts and friendships. It’s like a terrible, terrible see-saw.
Actually, to be fair, that looks like a lot of fun. ANYWAY, it’s wonderful and addictive, much like hot unicorn blood smoothies. And like said smoothies, it has many, many layers. One of the things that makes WOW so compelling is the cast of characters. You see, first there was Warcraft, one of the most playable and groundbreaking RTS (real time strategy) games ever released. It charted the invasion of Azeroth by hordes of Orcs, and it looked like this:
Warcraft 2 featured humanity trying to take back the land taken by the orcs. And it looked like this:
Then, Warcraft 3 came out, and blew peoples minds somewhat.
You see, the basic plot is this: Humans live on Azeroth, along with several other mostly benign races. Orcs live on Draenor, alongside the peaceful Draenei. The Burning Legion, a sprawling, nightmarish galactic scourge of undead, trick the orcs into drinking the blood of a demon. This corrupts them. They almost wipe out the Draenei, and with the help of a human traitor named Medivh, burst through into Azeroth, hence the first two games. In Warcraft 3, all the races must unite to combat a new attempt by the Burning Legion to invade Azeroth; they manage to corrupt and sew discord between all races, spread virulent plagues, turn the young prince Arthas and convince him to kill his father the king, AND they combine fluorescent green with hot pink. Seriously, no sense of style at all.
The resurrected Medivh, given one last chance to make up for his mistakes, has to convince humans, elves and orcs to unite. Orcs, however, are still brutal and ill-tempered due to drinking the blood we talked about (the demon blood, not the smoothies). Miraculously, however, their leader, Thrall, a young shaman with a very, very complicated backstory has the foresight, wisdom and titanium balls to make such a massive leap of faith.
Thrall is a shaman, meaning he can summon spirit wolves, fling lightning and commune with his ancestors. But he’s also got a slew of fascinating aspects that you’ll need to be aware of if you HAVE A HEART AND PUMP WARM LOVING BLOOD THROUGH YOUR VEINS.
- Thrall is an orc. Not a Lord of the Rings style orc, but an intelligent, rational orc. Orcs in World of Warcraft are more like Klingons, really. Only awesomer. Yes, I went there.
- Thrall was an orphan. He was born of Durotan, the ex-chieftain of the Frostwolf Clan, and Draka, his mother. His parents were betrayed and murdered, and as a baby, he was discovered by xenophobic human ballbag, Aedelas Blackmoore, a commander of an internment camp after the second war. Once the second war finished, the humans rounded orcs up and kept them in camps. This is a metaphor for a certain cultural event which I shan’t go into. Sufficed to say, wardens at these camps enjoyed uniforms and assholery.
- The orcs in these camps fell into a deep funk.
Wrong funk. Good, but wrong. The orcs were suffering withdrawls from demon blood, and Thrall, after engaging in a series of escalating, awesome and formative experiences (ie, fighting in pit fights under the ‘guidance’ of Blackmoore, and becoming friends with the young human girl Taretha Foxton), he was helped to escape by Taretha. He then set out to liberate one camp at a time, and whilst doing so, he helped his people rediscover their true heritage and honor. He makes Klingons looks like little girls.
- He heeded the advice of Medivh, and gathered up his people, taking them across the sea to the continent of Kalimdor, to help give them a new home. On the way, he befriended and aided the Trolls and the Tauren, and became close friends with their respective leaders, Sen’jin and Cairne Bloodhoof. This means that a badass orc shaman is best friends with a troll and a tauren. To engage in a sexy threesome with said heroes would kill you. A fractured pelvis is not a sexy thing.
- Thrall then mended the breach between orc and human by becoming ally and friend to Jaina Proudmoore, human mage and the only human leader to heed Medivh’s advice. Many fans speculate that these two have got their bone on at various points. I concur. Furthermore, this is the least filthy picture I could find of their assumed union:
- In World of Warcraft, you get to travel back in time and help Thrall escape from Blackmoore. It’s like Back to the Future meets Lord of the Rings, and whilst playing through it is highly recommended, here’s a video of the whole thing:
Now, the Horde is rent in two. Garrosh was a childish shit for brains, and his behaviour got Cairne killed. Thrall is now a shaman of such power that in order to literally keep Azeroth from crumbling apart, he had to relinquish his duties as Warchief and hand the reins to Garrosh. Whether this decision turns out to be the stupidest thing anyone has ever done is yet to be revealed. But here’s what he now looks like (far right). Check him out. So swag.
So right now, Thrall is doing this:
He’s powerful, noble, ruthless and intelligent. AND LOOK AT HIM. HE’S HOLDING A RIFT IN THE WORLD WIDE OPEN. HEROES EVERYWHERE WISH THEY COULD ATTAIN EVEN AN EIGHTH OF HIS AWESOME FURIOUS POWER AND BALLS.
Next week, I’ll be looking at… well, I don’t want to spoil the surprise. Starts with S. Ends with Amus.